Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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