Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
