Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you will always have a special place in my vag
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
