Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
