HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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