remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
