can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
