Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
