i jhust puked up my retainher.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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