The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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