Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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