im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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