pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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