walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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