Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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