Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
