VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
