just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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