he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize