I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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