He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
