Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
