oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Someone came in the potted fern
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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