I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
