i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
