He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
