complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
