people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
