Swine flu is the new snow day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
