i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
