And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
