I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
