Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why is there bacon in the couch?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
