And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
