That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
