Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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