WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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