Your face is a jimmy john
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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