when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
