Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It was like giving head to a cactus.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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