Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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