I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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