i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
