jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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