I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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