Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I looked at my own cervix.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
