I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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