I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize