6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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