I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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