dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
