I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
