You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
