in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
