Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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