if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize