This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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