I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize