Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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