I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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