just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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