Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
