Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
