I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
