I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
