my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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