Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
