I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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