LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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