God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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