Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
