The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The best revenge is premature balding
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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