we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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