Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
