why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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