Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
