just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
