I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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