I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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