So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize