So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
